You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize