So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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