Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
are you so shy because you have an std?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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