I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
