she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
