I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
