sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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