i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
