They should really pass out barf bags in church
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I understand Curling. That high.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
