its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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