I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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