saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Randomize
