well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
