So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
