Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
