woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
