Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
