i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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