She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
