Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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