Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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