Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
