you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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