I just threw up on my dentist
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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