You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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