i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Randomize
