Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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