we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
