Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
