That's when you crack a 10am beer
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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