I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
