Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
