yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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