It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
