I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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