Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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