I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
