Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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