i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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