Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
