dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's blow job season.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
