man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
