how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
