Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
