If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
last night I used snow as a chaser
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