Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
