nut hugger
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
