she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
is wine microwaveable?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
