Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
