he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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