The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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