He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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