My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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