I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
