After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize