i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
