So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
