Got a toothbrush?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
