Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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