She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
