Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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