A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He has the fingertips of a God
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