So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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