So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
