i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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