so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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