I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Randomize
