Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
