I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize