PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
