I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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