this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
