if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
