i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
