i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
