It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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