My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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