If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Drunk is not a location!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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