wakey wakey hands off snakey
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
