I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
