Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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