I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
