like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
